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Goofball Answer:

Truly Confused,

Before I dive too deeply into this answer, I'm going to take a moment to throw out a few things we should all keep in our heads when we're considering this question and this answer.

Straight away, we should all acknowledge that men and women do not communicate the same way. Typically, men either tell it the way they see it, or say nothing at all. Women test out their ideas through codes, signals, gestures, and other mechanisms before committing to making them solid. And neither system would be inherently wrong if both parties were using the same system. But insofar as most affairs between men and women go, we're each using our own. And in this manner, messages are lost, miscommunicated, or not sent.

So it's not as easy as asking why guys don't just tell you what they're thinking or feeling, TC. It would be nice if boys and girls could sit down and share deep, intimate thoughts on any topic whatsoever. But boys and girls can only do this on subjects where they have solid thoughts or feelings. The moment we drift further into any topic whatsoever, and find ourselves on the threshold of an incomplete notion, the different communication styles start getting in the way.

So the moment we get into this foggy area, we have three potential scenarios:

1. He knows exactly how he feels, but she doesn't.
2. She knows exactly how she feels, but he doesn't.
3. Neither of these fools know exactly what they're feeling.

And the way you stated your question, I'm comfortable assuming you had some certainty in how you felt or thought about the subject matter at hand, whatever that may have been. So what I believe you're asking about is scenario number 2. And if that's the case, then here are my thoughts.

The reason you probably got little to nothing in the way of thoughts or feelings out of old boy is that his thoughts or feelings weren't necessarily complete. And because he likely uses the standard dude communication style, he's not going to say much of anything if he hasn't settled on how he thinks or feels. Men don't test ideas out by throwing out signals and seeing if they stick. Men just retreat into some contemplative space in their brains until they figure something out, or exhaust themselves considering the variables.

As such, what you probably experienced was some weird phase during which said guy seemed to be quiet, distant, or detached. Your brain began working to figure out why, or what he was up to, when in reality he was just out roaming around the contemplative space in his brain. And had he come back from that place with anything concrete, you probably would have heard about it.

But since you asked this question, and you said there's some hurt, I'm assuming he didn't come back voluntarily from that place beneath the tree where Pooh goes to think. Because if he did, as I said, he probably would have had something definitive to say. So I'm guessing you dragged something out of him, and what he said lacked any semblance of eloquence or coherence. And now you're trying to assemble the pieces and make some sense out of it. And if your ideas hurt, as you say they do, there may be a reason you're struggling to ascertain what he was mumbling about. I'll elaborate a bit, if you'll tolerate the lack of brevity here.

First, men are not the light bulbs women think we are. We are not off or on, zero or one, yes or no, etc. We are not binary. We have the capacity for complex feelings and thoughts, and relationships are the perfect breeding ground for such complexity. Second, we often take great strides not to hurt the women in our lives. You may not believe this, but it's true. So if you take our communication style (which is decidedly on/off), mix it with the complex feelings we are capable of (and therefore processing), and mix in a healthy dose of hurting-you-avoidance, you can see immediately why we don't come right out and tell you how we feel unless we absolutely know how we feel.

So what does this all mean?

Well, in cases where things are cut and dry, you can expect to hear from us on the topic.
Example: If you're dating and you turn out to be a man, or a vegetarian, or you're sleeping with his brother, he'll probably tell you immediately to go fly a kite. You won't have to wonder.

In cases where things are not so cut and dry, you may not hear from us immediately on a subject, though we will lapse in and out of our contemplative phase.
Example: In the middle of an otherwise pleasant relationship, you begin to sense he's a little different. There is a great likelihood he's off thinking. You've got your work cut out for you here, though. You could just wait and see if returns from the thinking tree with anything to say. But in some cases, the thinking isn't thinking; he's sleeping with your sister. But if he is just thinking, and you begin taking all those wacky scenarios in your brain and confront him with questions while he's still off on his contemplative meanderings, he's going to give you—albeit reluctantly—the closest thing to a complete thought he has, and it will be poorly communicated, because it's incomplete.

Don't forget also: in relationships, men and women often invest a lot of energy trying to be in touch with what the other person wants. We feel if we ask what the other person wants, it will be perceived as a lack of understanding, sensitivity, or attention to detail. Or in contrast, when one person asks, the other defers, hoping to extract some information.
Example: You are dying for tacos. He's dying for chimichangas. He asks what you want for dinner. You say you don't know, and ask what he wants for dinner. He says he doesn't care, he'll eat whatever you feel like eating. You know he likes Italian food, so you suggest Italian. He assumes you're suggesting Italian because you're craving Italian. So you go out for Italian food when both you fools wanted Mexican food.

So now imagine the subject matter is something important, or sensitive, and his thoughts are incomplete on the topic. Whoa!

So if boys and girls can't even figure out they both want Mexican food, how is he ever going to tell you how boring your...

~ topher

Note: Couples that can freely exchange ideas on most any topic whatsoever have something amazing. Cherish it.