Beauty — April, 2004
Do not read this while shaving!!!
Nothing is beautiful anymore. Well, very little is anyway. Too many things are scarred by warning labels long before ever having the chance to be beautiful. We've exchanged beauty for the perpetuation of stupidity and laziness. It's a tax we pay, those of us with at least a modicum of intelligence, responsibility, and respect. We pay this tax to the parliamentary body of the stupid, lazy, and irresponsible. We pay this tax because we are not represented; we have no advocacy group.
Stupid people have an advocacy group. Lazy people have an advocacy group. Irresponsible people do, too.
These advocates bring us the demise of beauty and design with labels like:
Do not drink boiling water with this straw.
Do not operate this forklift if you are blind.
This motor oil not for use in breakfast cereal.
Do not use this MIG welder while bathing.
Who are these advocates of stupidity that bring us this taxation without representation? They are contingency-fee attorneys, union lawyers, and liberal lobbyists – amongst others. And because we, the contributors-to-society, have no advocacy group, we pay for our possession of baseline human faculties with money, lost opportunity, and the decline of beauty. No longer do form and function meld well. It's too dangerous to the inept.
Between the bleeding-heart liberals, religious zealots, and civil libertarians, Darwinism has no chance. Arm floaties are now mandatory at the shallow end of the gene pool. They're called warning labels.
You can safely shave now.
~ topher