Motion-activated bad idea—May 2007

In life there are times when you simply have to call a bad idea, “a bad idea.” Tube tops: bad idea. The homemade parachute that Andy, Norm, and I built in high school: bad idea. The fact that we actually tried to use it: profoundly bad idea. The perm I had in 8th and 9th grade: a mediocre idea, at best.

In all of these cases, though it may have caused some mild tension, society would have been better served if someone had just raised a brave hand, interrupted whatever was going on, and yelled, “Excuse me?!” This doesn't happen nearly frequently enough. Therefore, bad ideas in society survive, and eventually we begin to accept them as permanent fixtures of our lives.

Well, while we're on the subject of fixtures, I'm going to bravely raise my hand, interrupt whatever is currently going on in society, and yell, “What is the damned deal with all these infrared, motion-activated public restroom fixtures?” Seriously, who are the brain dead engineers and contractors designing and installing these things? Who decided these were in any way better than the old, crank-it-yourself fixtures we used to have?

I trust, if you have a pulse, that you've been victimized by one of the incomprehensibly stupid public restroom fixtures of which I speak. There are the infrared, motion-activated faucets. There are the infrared, motion-activated paper towel dispensers. There are the infrared, motion-activated soap dispensers. There are the infrared, motion-activated hand dryers. And, of course, there are the infrared, motion-activated toilet flushers. I'm sure if you spend a lot of time in public restrooms, that you may also have stumbled across an infrared, motion-activated hand lotion dispenser, but I have yet to see one. (I am convinced, however, that it is only a matter of time.)

Infrared, motion-activated public restroom fixtures: bad idea. All of them. I've said it. Now, let's explore why.

Straight away I'll dispense with the obvious; the damn things don't work. Not in the history of these devices has one ever performed its intended service at the first wave, outside of a controlled, laboratory setting. I have attended grand openings at new facilities and left the restrooms with unwashed hands—and not for lack of trying, but for tendonitis.

So, if they don't work, why do we find them in abundance? In a word, paranoia. The media would have us believe that if we don't reduce our consumption in vast amounts immediately that the world will disappear next Wednesday. And, don't even turn on your local news if you don't want to hear stories about the rabid spread of infections. Surely, if the world doesn't disappear before then, we'll all die of the public-restroom-acquired influenza by next Thursday. I suspect these devices were promised to reduce consumption and the spread of infection. Neato.

Now, on the issue of conservation, I must admit that these devices work astoundingly well. First, by rarely working at all, these fixtures reduce our consumption of water, soap, paper, and electricity to almost nothing. Second, when they do work—on the 11th wave of the hand—we get a 1” by 8” strip of paper towel, 3.18 X 10-6 fluid ounces of soap, a 4-second spray of water, or 16 seconds of cool air from the dryer. So, from a conservation perspective, I am inclined to concede that these devices work amazingly well. But, when we get to the health issue, I'm more dubious.

I'm more dubious about the health issue for two reasons. The first is, public restrooms are really not the incubators of disease that most people think they are. Second, these infrared, motion-activated devices cause more health issues than they prevent.

Contrary to popular belief, you are more likely to get a nasty infection while in the hospital than you are from a public restroom. There is a fancy word for infections caught while in the hospital. We call them nosocomial infections. In the United States, 2,000,000 people receive nosocomial infections while in the hospital each year. As a fraction of the U.S. population, it looks a little like the graph to the right.

While it may not be pleasant to read, I will now describe an infection you might catch in a public restroom. Hepatitis A is a disease that attacks your liver, causing inflammation and hardening of the liver tissue. It is spread through what we call a fecal-oral route. That is to say, you catch it by getting someone's infected feces in your mouth—like when you soil your hands in a public restroom or have really kinky sex.

In the United States each year, there are roughly 32,000 new cases of Hepatitis A. As a fraction of the U.S. population, it looks a little like the graph to the left. I hope you notice immediately that the pie section representing Hepatitis A infections is invisible. This is not a computer error. It's an accurate comparative representation of the difference in infectious threats. Hospitals are more dangerous.

But, ostensibly at least, the idea of getting infected by someone else's feces is more disagreeable than the idea of catching someone else's pneumonia in the hospital. So, we get infrared, motion-activated public restroom fixtures. In an attempt to adjust public perception on this, I will throw a couple other facts at you: Hepatitis A is curable. There is also a common vaccine for it. Therefore, in the absence of extenuating circumstances, you aren't really under any threat of death from Hepatitis A. So, both public restrooms and kinky sex are much safer than is perceived. What about the hospital? In the U.S. each year, some 80,000 people die of nosocomial infections—more than the total number of annual Hepatitis A infections.

Beyond the fact that these fixtures are patently unnecessary from a disease-prevention standpoint, I have contended—and intend to explain—that the infrared, motion-activated public restroom fixtures are actually hazardous to our health. While I can not speak for you as an individual, I can safely say for myself and countless others I've seen in public restrooms, that these devices cause stress. I have personally thrown expletive-laden epithets at these devices. I have punched them. I have pounded on them. I have experienced both an increased pulse and elevated blood pressure in countless attempts to get even one of these devices to perform as intended. It never works. I've seen others do the same. It's never worked. Infrared, motion-activated public restroom fixtures cause stress. It's that simple.

It is therefore disconcerting to note that stress is considered a primary causative agent in the 8 most common causes of death in the United States. Further, stress in unhealthy levels is experienced by 25-40% of the U.S. population. To compare this to both nosocomial infections and Hepatitis A, I've split this range down the middle and compared it to the total U.S. population in the graph to the right.

Folks, it's time we all call infrared, motion-activated public restroom fixtures exactly what they are: a bad idea. While good at conservation, they are good at nothing else, and are categorically unnecessary. If you must use a public restroom equipped with these devices, please do the safe thing and wait until you get home to wash your hands. It's for your own good.

~ topher

 

* Facts courtesy of the United States Centers for Disease Control and Prevention