What I Learned From My Mullet-Perm — March, 2008
In high school I was the only kid not seated alphabetically. And it wasn't lost on me why—I had long, permed hair and wore skater clothes. The teachers figured they'd need to keep a closer eye on me.
Not much about me has changed. I'm still hopelessly out of touch with fashion. I'm most comfortable in cargo pants and one of the free skydiving t-shirts I've managed to grub from vendors. So you'll never impress me with what you're wearing. You might catch my attention. But you'll never impress me. Two reasons: the poshness of what you're wearing will be lost on me, and the greater part of me is waiting to see what you'll do, not what you're wearing or how your hair is done.
We're all pretty middle-of-the-road at the majority of things in life—at best. You can't cover that up with Escada, Hall, or the latest Coach purse. We all try now and then, me included. But I'm inclined to assume you're as mediocre as I am until you show me otherwise. And you should assume the same of me, even on the days I'm wearing my jeans from J-Crew.
Put on your finest outfit and ask me what I think of the current season of American Idol: yawn. Tell me your jeans came off the bargain rack and you just got back from hiking in Peru: I'm all ears.
If it applies to you, don't take this to mean your pants hanging halfway down your ass and your seven facial piercings are OK because you happen to be a good conversationalist. You still look utterly stupid. But I haven't closed the door on you yet. I'm waiting to see what you'll do, too.
I'm not hypo-judgmental at first impressions because I'm more enlightened than most. Again, I'm every bit as mediocre as the next guy. I don't close the door at first glance because at one time I was the asshole with the mullet-perm. And yup, I thought it was awesome. But it took me almost an entire year to prove to those teachers I took school seriously. And after four years on the honor roll, I bet most of them still considered me an anomaly, a data point to be discarded as an outlier. I did little to change their biases.
So dudes, please do think twice about getting a perm. Ladies, put down the $400 jeans. What I'm saying is, the kind of attention worth getting is most likely gotten because of what you're doing. Genuine attention won't come from cool outfits, bad haircuts, or a nose ring.
My mullet-perm told me so.
~ topher