Safety and Control—December, 2006
I wish to convince you of something that will likely be disconcerting. Namely, that in any scope of time beyond the fleeting moment, both safety and control are nothing more than illusions. Further, if you wish to maximize the potential of your existence, you must accept this as fact and incorporate this mentality into the way you conduct yourself through the course of your life. To do otherwise is to fool yourself and minimize your potential.
Consider, if you will, the present moment. You are sitting at a computer, most likely within the confines of your home, your office, your cubicle, or your favorite coffee shop. At this exact moment, it is reasonable to assert that you are safe and in control. There is little danger that your computer will electrocute you. You will not likely be thrown from your chair because you lost control of it. So, in this finite moment in time, this assertion is safe.
As we all know, moments become hours which become days which become weeks, ad infinitum, whether we like it or not. We lack the capacity to pause the passage of life. It is in this simple fact that we lose control. Whether we are prepared for them or not, moments will continue to stream at us, and with them, the events of our lives. It would be immeasurably presumptuous to claim we are in control of all the events—carried by all the moments—streaming at us. Therefore we must agree that as the present moment bleeds into the future, control is given up to the forces of time and circumstance.
In support of this argument, I will first venture to guess that you will not remain forever seated in your home, office, cubicle, or favorite coffee shop. Surely you will tire of what you are doing and venture out from the relative safety and control you currently enjoy. I will further guess that within the next several thousand moments you will seek conveyance to some other place in a car, on an escalator, via bus, or the like. Please answer me this: Did you personally forge the materials, assemble the parts, and inspect the final craftsmanship of the car, escalator, or bus in which you will ride? I doubt you did. Therefore, you must accept that you give up control of the quality of your future conveyance to those who did forge the materials, assemble the parts, and inspect the final craftsmanship. While these people are likely competent, it is certainly possible that they are not. Further, nothing lasts forever, and I doubt you are personally performing periodic inspections of every escalator or bus you board. You probably aren’t even inspecting your own car periodically. My argument is simplistic; but it’s true and easy to extrapolate upon, and therefore, valid.
Now, for the sake of fair argument, let’s assume that your car is a quality product, relatively new, and that you get it inspected with every oil change. The tire and lube center you patronize boasts a nationally recognized safety program and hires only the best trained and most scrupulous of 19-year-olds. Therefore, we can venture reasonably that your car is safe and road worthy. I doubt, however, that you personally tested and licensed every one of the hundreds of drivers you will pass on your next drive. You probably did not test them each individually for sobriety either. Therefore, no matter the safety of your personal car, you have no control over the safety of those cars and drivers around you.
Control of our circumstances, I hope you see, in anything other than the fleeting moment, is an illusion. And, as we give up control, so do we give up safety. But, safety doesn’t so much slip away as it is given away.
I’ve argued that you are not in as much control over your car as you believe you are. While you may be a safe driver, parts do break, and I doubt you’ve practiced controlling a car with a broken tie rod. Therefore, you must accept that you are only partially in control of each drive you take. The problem—if I may label it as such—is that on a daily basis you successfully drive your car all over the place, without incident. With each successive episode that ends safely, your perception of control, and therefore safety, increases. If every drive ended in an accident, your perception of driving would be entirely different than it is currently.
The reality, contrary to perception, is that all drives are of the same relative safety—on average. Intrinsically, you are no more or less safe because your last 3,408 drives ended well. When we move beyond the intrinsic, however, and consider human nature, you may actually become less safe the longer you go without an incident. Confidence builds with each successful drive, even though control never increases. As our confidence behind the wheel builds, we use less of our mental and physical capacity to control the vehicle. What used to scare us becomes routine. Soon enough we no longer simply drive; we drive, scan radio stations, talk on our phones, eat our cheeseburgers, and apply makeup all at the same time. We may even take time to flirt with other drivers, who are—alarmingly—doing the same thing we are. Therefore, with each successful drive, we are likely contributing less and less attention to the act of driving, even though we are never in any greater intrinsic control.
Thus, as we carry on our routines, our perception of control and safety are not likely aligned with the reality of our situation. Eventually, one of life’s moments will carry with it something unexpected. The car’s brakes will fail. The escalator’s gears will jam. A child will run in front of the bus. I don’t know about you, but I’ve never practiced maintaining my balance—read control—on an escalator that suddenly comes to a screeching halt. I reckon it would be difficult at best. And if there’s a 361-pound person behind you, forget about it.
Moving through life with a perception of control that doesn’t exist is potentially more hazardous than engaging in activities that seem dangerous. When things seem dangerous, we are on alert and we contribute all of our capacity to negotiating the moment. When things seem safe, we are complacent. In this manner, we give safety away.
I’m not trying to scare you. Quite the contrary, I am hoping to encourage you to step outside your world of perceived safety and control. Try new things. You’re never truly in control anyway, so you venture less than you perceive when you engage in activities that lay outside your sphere of comfort. I know it won’t feel that way; it simply is that way. Remember, perception does not equal reality—all others’ arguments to the contrary notwithstanding.
In what is probably the Indigo Girls’ most famous song, Closer to Fine, these insightful ladies sing, “I wrap my fear around me like a blanket. I sailed my ship of safety ‘til I stank it.” So at least two others get the picture.
Stop riding the wave of perceived safety and control. The best moments in life are hiding in the things you fear without reason. Introduce yourself to that interesting person. Sign up for that class at the gym. Try that new restaurant. Hell, jump out of an airplane. None of these things are as scary, or dangerous, as they may seem to you. I promise.
~ topher